Just when you think you have it figured out, you know, a pattern has developed that you're used to. Maybe you've been sad all the time for some reason and you finally get into a groove where you're used to it and there aren't any surprises except the varying degrees of dark blue, black, and brown that make up your life. You get used to holding you're breath for fear that you'll burst into tears. Then, BAM, something happens, maybe something small and suddenly you remember what it was like to FEEL something, really feel something.
I don't know how long it has been since I've smiled a smile that came from within. You know, one of those smiles that starts somewhere other than your face and before you know it, it's on your lips and you didn't have to THINK about putting it there. It happened yesterday and at first I was scared. It's like it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I have been feeling so down and depressed lately and I was thinking at first that I'd regressed in the last month but now I see that I was actually taking some steps towards becoming human agian. Some tension was building right before this little break through and even if the reason for my little moment of happiness turns out to be different than what I thought, at least I can feel again. At least I can breath.
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