Doubt

So I watched the movie Doubt today and I must say, it was really thought provoking. I was left with a sense of amazement at my own preconceived notions of the world, people, and how things fall together. I was on the phone with a friend a few days ago. I trust this friend and he has amazing foresight. At one point in the conversation he said "Don't be surprised if. . . oh, I won't even go there" and then he trailed off. Now, the subject matter of this conversation was sensitive to say the least and I could have been left filling in the rest of that sentence with whatever my muddled mind would like to hear. "Don't be surprised if you win the lottery. Don't be surprised if the sky falls. Don't be surprised if you find out that you really do love this life, after all." But instead, I'm left with a blank. I didn't ask him to finish his sentence and frankly, I don't care what he would have put in that space between the dots. It was interesting to think about what I would put there if I wanted to.

Another thing, now that I've started this blog, I've started to think about just how much of my half eaten soul I want to bear here. I've decided to try and put very few filters on and I know that may come at a price. Maybe someone will read something they don't agree with and decide to be mad at me. Maybe I'll write something that I wish I hadn't. Either way, it's safer this way than a dozen conversations. The spoken word is immortal. People remember what you say and they rarely forget, especially if it's something that causes them discomfort. The written word can be erased. Maybe I write something and a few days later decide that I shouldn't have. I can just go back and erase it like it never happened. Maybe you read it, maybe you didn't. If you did, there may not be any evidence later that the sentence you didn't like read as such, it really won't matter and we can all just be in denial. I've almost decided that blogging has come about because we don't write each other long, drawn out letters anymore. Our lives are filled with text, cell phones, and quick e-mails. People need the blank stare of a page that doesn't talk back to them. Our voices are different in the written form. There are less immediate filters, more freedom, less permanence. We can write a letter to many people at one time, share our souls, and still have time for Facebook. I think I like this, I say to myself. I think I'll keep it. Maybe I'll finally get around to telling the world that I. . .