An Early Morning

This morning began early, really early. I continue to be amazed that God is allowing me to actually DO what my heart desires and yearns to do. Medicine continues to surprise me and my own reactions to the things that happen around me are no exception.

I walked in on a code blue yesterday in the operating room and I was taken aback by the fact that I didn't panic, I didn't feel emotionally distraught, I simply stood there amazed. I watched as they worked to save a man's life and I was intrigued by what the doctors and nurses were doing. I wanted to learn from the experience, store it away in case I ever found myself in a similar situation. A surgeon I've been following did an emergency procedure to secure an airway and I felt respect for his steady hand and his skill. This morning, the man is alive. His prognosis isn't good but I know who's really in charge and the end game is up to Him.

It is beginning to occur to me that medical school, as a process, works. Several years ago in that code situation I would have found myself in a panic. My mind is starting to see things in a new light and part of me wonders if that means that I care less about the emotional nature of certain situations. Is this a self-preserving process, this almost mechanical detachment or retreat, at moments, into another part of the brain? I'm not sure but for some reason I think I'm starting to feel a small taste of confidence and oddly, with it comes an even stronger desire to lean more on the great Physician. I find myself in awe of God and His ability to train and equip a person for their calling. He promises that He will complete the good works that He begins in each of us and I'm excited to continually be molded and shaped into what He has for me to become.

He Comes

He comes and I will wait
There is no minute, no hour
He comes and is not late
All time is in His power

He comes and I am still
His breath upon my face
He comes and brings His will
My pulse begins to race

He comes and I am weak
My lips can taste His gift
He comes, my heart to seek
My will begins to shift

He comes, I feel the heat
He fills me with His light
He comes, I am complete
My Beloved in the night

The Pursuit

I tried to chase the sunset
Horizon long before me

The sun knelt

I reached farther, faster, stretched
Breathless

I tried to catch the last rays
Pounding pulse of the day
Threads of light strained
My hands open, grasping, willing
Breathless

I tried to bargain the beauty
Ecstasy, the glows final gasp
Pursuit of the last flash
My arms wide, aching, shaking
Breathless

I tried to follow the limit
The dwindling end of day
Fearful, the silent cease
Until I saw the sunrise
Breathless