Ever Been Afraid?

I'm so scared right now. As a child, I can remember being afraid of every new school year. Every summer I had nightmares about the upcoming year and every first day of the new grade, I went to school with wide eyes and a racing heart. I'm about to embark on a new journey in my life and frankly, I'm terrified. This is what I've worked for, sweat for, cried for and trusted God for. This is the culmination of a six year journey. This is "the next step" and yet, I feel like I'm starting at the beginning again. I feel like I felt the first day of medical school. There is so much unknown; even though I didn't change cities, change institutions, or even change apartments. I'm afraid. I know God is with me, but I'm afraid.

Ever wonder if David, having been anointed king and knowing God, was scared to rule a nation? I can just see it - the shepard being told he's going to be handed the power of life and death over a country. Or how about Mary? A simple young woman finds out she'll be the mother of the Son of God and doesn't bat an eyelash. I think not. In fact, in Luke 1:34 she says "How can this be?!" What about Nehemiah? God says "Go - rebuild my temple". I'm pretty sure he didn't say "No problem!". When God told Rahab "Hide these men", did she wonder if she would survive or if she was doing the right thing?

All through scripture people are asked to do things, sometimes big, sometimes small and I'm sure many of them were scared. I have to keep telling myself this because part of me wants to believe that my fear is a sign of weakness or lack of faith. It's hard to ignore that nagging voice that says "You can't do this. Look, you're afraid. That means you don't believe." I know who that is, I know the enemy wants me to give in to my fear and quit before I've even gotten started.

I don't know how I'm going to actually survive the next three years but I do know this - I'll be at work at 8 am on July 1st and no one but God can stop me.